Elusis (elusis) wrote,

  • Mood:
You know, as tempting as it is to just savor the delicious schadenfreude of uber-conservatives who get busted for doing things like soliciting in an airport men's room, offering to pay a police officer for the privilege of giving him a blow job, and having a regular date for Shiatsu, meth smoking, and buttsecks with a male escort, here's the feeling I'm really left with:

Dudes, stop being gay.

Please. Stop being gay. I know we're supposed to "recruit, recruit, recruit!" and that there's some emotional satisfaction in seeing that your side, too, is infested with pernicious faggotry, giving even more of the lie to the idea that if a person just adopts a sufficiently heterosexist mental attitude, they can be safe from Catching t3h Gay or can purge it from their very cells. But frankly...

...you make gay men look bad.

I mean, it's not like gay men needed help looking bad. Gay men are more than capable of, individually and sometimes even collectively, doing some stupid-ass shit. Why wouldn't they be? No group is immune. I'm sure right now, out there somewhere there are devout Amish, unicycle riders, and socialist vegetarian nipple-twiddlers doing their damnedest to bring Dishonor and Ignominy on others of their ilk through their Unbelievably Inapprpriate Behavior, may the ghosts of their dead ancestors never hear of it lest they cover their faces in shame.

Certain gay men have done plenty of stupid shit like equating sexual liberation with acting on the urge to plunge your dick into hundreds or even thousands of warm, pulsating, hair-rimmed orifices, and frankly a whole new generation of post-anti-retroviral-cocktail young men with a case of the whoopsies are forgetting the rather stout cosmic cluestick that smacked their fathers and uncles upside the head when the long-term viability of that sort of activity as a regular personal recreation choice was called into question.

In between the two lost generations, there has been enough breathing room for large portions of the populace to figure out that gay men do MORE than just have sex. They thump watermelons at the supermarket and mow their lawns and watch ESPN and some of them paint their houses lavender and some of them drive tractors and some of them will help you carry your groceries in during a rainstorm and some of them are narcissistic gits who use too much hair product but mostly, they're just guys. This has largely been a good thing, I think.

But you dudes, you threaten all that. Because when other of your ilk look at the face of gaydom, they see you, because you are their worst nightmares - gay bathroom gropers, glory hole cocksuckers with herpes sores around their concealed mouths, shadowy men in tight Levis who do unspeakable things in alleys that smell of piss and on massage tables that would light up like Christmas under blacklight.

So please. Stop being gay. Because maybe this is some kind of really bizarre personal sacrifice by ultra-kamikaze Dominionists in order to create such bad PR for Gaydom that the gains of the last two decades will collapse in a pile of Container Store catalogues and Will and Grace reruns, but I kind of doubt it. Whatever this thing is you dudes are doing, it is not working, and meanwhile, you are taking some fairly innocent women and children down with you, not to mention giving other closeted self-hating-homos masturbation material for months.
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