What do we do with a drunken sailor?
How soon is now?
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Make him read about the life and times of an artsy-fartsy queer little gothic DJ therapist tribal belly dancer professor from hell.
Jun. 10th, 2020 @ 03:58 pm (no subject)
What's she building in there?
pomegranate


For personal and professional reasons, most entries in this journal are friends-only. Not the way I'd prefer to do things, but that seems to be the way of things these days.
Apr. 8th, 2011 @ 10:42 am post
What's she building in there?
mad science
Originally posted by [info]clari_clyde at post

I’ve been wondering what’s up with all the DDoS attacks LJ has been receiving lately. Signal boosting [info]ingridmatthews:



Just in case anyone thinks LJ's downtime is just TPTB being incompetant, read this:


LiveJournal, Russia's blogging platform of choice, is sustaining biggest cyberattack attack in its history. Bloggers say the Kremlin wants to crack down on political discussion.


"LiveJournal, Russia’s most popular blogging platform, has been under a massive DDoS attack for the past few days. The attack has effectively wiped out Russia’s main refuge for unbridled political discussion, a hugely lively and extensive domain frequented by politicians, opposition activists and social commentators alike...


“The reason for attack is more than clear in this case — someone wants LiveJournal to disappear as a platform,” Ilya Dronov, development director at SUP, wrote in a post on his LiveJournal blog earlier this week. He said the hackers were hoping to push bloggers from LJ to social networks where “it's easier to fight individual users.”"


http://globalpost.com/dispatches/globalpost-blogs/bric-yard/russian-blog-site-under-attack


http://putinwatcher.blogspot.com/2011/04/cyber-war-on-russian-activist-bloggers.html


Mar. 8th, 2011 @ 03:15 pm (no subject)
What's she building in there?
boundary-setting bear NO
OK Brainywebs.

Yesterday, I got up to find the following warning flag, thanks to running the BlackSheep plugin:



This was a little concerning to me, especially since I'd run across this in my Task Manager a couple of days earlier:



But of course, not being at all savvy in the actual operations of the backend of the Mac OS, I inspected and sampled the process (for science) and went "yep, I have no idea why that's running."

In any case, I changed the password on my Time Capsule which serves as my router, changed my Gmail password since that had been sitting open, and shot off a query to [info]sushispook who has nothing better to do than play IT support for me since everyone knows he doesn't really work or anything. Who said to me "damned if I know."

I went looking at the comments on the BlackSheep programmers' blog, which eventually revealed that some Mac/Firefox users had gotten false positives which were supposed to be fixed in updates. Which, inspecting my version of BlackSheep, turned out to have never pushed to my copy of Firefox.

So I manually upgraded from 1.4 to 1.7 and eventually restarted the browser.

At which time I got this request:



Uh. What?

Any help is welcomed here.
Dec. 31st, 2010 @ 08:03 am You and your New Year's hangover
What's she building in there?
baby needs beers & wines
I've had a few friends get taken out by vicious hangovers recently, and have been promising to write up what I learned about hangover prevention during my years teaching alcohol education and harm reduction at one of the top "party schools" in the US. While my program's primary goal was to reduce problem drinking among students, our harm reduction focus meant that anything that reduced alcohol's negative impacts - missed class, lowered academic performance, mess and destruction in the dorms, interpersonal violence and sexual assault, etc. - was useful even if it didn't stop students from drinking.

So I took it on myself to learn as much as I could about what alcohol actually does in the body, and to make use of the research to figure out how to best reduce its harmful impacts, so if you do choose to drink, and you sometimes drink to excess, you can at least mitigate the negative results. And here's what I've learned, and what I apply in my own life.

The best way to reduce your chances of getting a hangover is to not drink so much. Duh. But it bears pointing out. Most people do not actually have that much fun when they are staggering, vomiting, blacking-out drunk. The goal of most drinkers is to "catch a buzz" and maintain it over time. The best way to do this is to slow down your alcohol intake, because alcohol takes time to be absorbed by the body. If you do three shots in quick succession, you won't feel the full impact of that alcohol for up to 30 minutes, and if you've been drinking in the meantime, you'll way over-shoot the mark.

Hangovers are made up of seven primary effects: dehydration, inflammation, the effect of byproducts of alcohol metabolism, the effect of alcohol congeners, nutritional imbalances including low blood sugar, withdrawal, and bad sleep.

1) Dehydration. Alcohol suppresses the production of vasopressin, a hormone that regulates kidney function. Essentially, this hormone tells the kidneys "concentrate the urine; don't pass more fluid than is needed." Without it, you start to excrete a much greater volume of urine than normal, which leaves you in a dehydrated state. Dehydration can lead to headaches, dry mouth, dizziness when you stand up, fatigue, and confusion. It can also throw off the balance of electrolytes in your blood, particularly sodium.

To combat dehydration: Hydrate! Alternating alcohol and non-alcoholic drinks while drinking will help, but when you stop drinking, it's important to keep re-hydrating. It's also important to restore your electrolyte balance, so something salty like crackers or cheese is a good pre-bedtime snack.

2) Inflammation. Alcohol produces an inflammatory response all over the body. The one we're most aware of is inflammation (and mechanical irritation) of the stomach lining, which is part of the nausea drinkers feel the next day. But inflammation also extends to the membrane surrounding your brain (so you feel like your brain is bouncing off the inside of your skull), the optic nerves (hence the light sensitivity), and your joints and muscles (that all-over body ache that feels like the flu).

To combat inflammation: Take an anti-inflammatory. Asprin is not a great choice because it can irritate your stomach, and acetaminophen (Tylenol) should be AVOIDED as it can create liver toxicity in combination with alcohol. Your best choice is the over-the-counter dose of an NSAID like ibuprofen (Advil, Motrin). Don't take a mega-dose as this can also hurt your liver; just take one or two as specified on the package. Take them before you go to bed, with your water, and take another dose in the morning.

3) Byproducts of alcohol metabolism. Alcohol is a complex molecule that takes several steps to break down in the liver. Each step requires a different enzyme, and each step takes time that can vary depending on your body weight, gender, ethnicity, age, and alcohol tolerance. The intermediate steps create acetaldehyde, then acetic acid. Acetaldehyde is a fairly severe irritant to your body tissues, and contributes to fatigue, sweating, nausea, and malaise. It also inhibits some energy production in your body's cells.

To combat these byproducts: Be a young non-Asian male of a large build who drinks regularly. Failing that, a B-complex vitamin, taken before bed with your water and NSAID, may help. B-12 may help with energy conversion, and B-6 seems to also be useful in binding to the toxins produced by metabolism, though its exact mechanism is unknown.

Also, slow down your drinking so you don't overwhelm your body's metabolism rate. Follow hard alcohol with low-proof, high-volume drinks like beer or cider; order highballs (alcohol plus a mixer like tonic, soda, Coke, etc. - e.g. rum and coke, gin and tonic) made "tall" with double the mixer, or just alternate alcoholic drinks with water. The old adage "liquor then beer, never fear; beer than liquor, never sicker" has truth to it - if you decrease the proof and increase the volume of your drinks as the night goes on, you'll naturally slow down your intake, but if you drink harder and harder alcohol as your inhibitions get lowered and your perceptions get dulled, it's easy to over-consume.

An associated tactic for slowing down your absorption rate is to eat a meal before drinking, reducing the surface area in the stomach and small intestine available for absorbing the alcohol. Fat molecules, being the most complex to break down, stick around and run interference the longest. Proteins are also helpful, and they can bind to toxins themselves.

4) Alcohol congeners. Congeners are all those molecules that give alcohol its various flavors and colors. Generally, darker drinks (red wine, bourbon, scotch) have more of them than lighter drinks (white wine, vodka, gin); however, the production process matters as well and a cheap vodka can have congeners that cause some people problems who are unfazed by drinking good bourbon. Everyone's reaction to particular congeners is different, so only you know whether rum is your friend while gin always makes you miserable the next day or vice versa. The more types of alcohol you drink, the more congeners you're introducing into your system, creating potential interactions (one of my worst hangovers was a night when I had one beer, one glass of red wine, one tequila, and one gin, over the course of 6-7 hours which was a very moderate pace.)

To combat congeners: Stick to one or two types of alcohol. Mixing really can create problems. Know your body; if you don't know how you react to yellow Chartreuse, don't make it your drink of choice for a night of indulgence. B-vitamins may help some in binding to or blocking the effects of some congeners but this isn't well understood.

5) Nutritional imbalances. As mentioned previously, dehydration can throw off your electrolytes. Alcohol metabolism also interferes with the body's ability to compensate for a drop in blood glucose levels, and particularly if you've been drinking sweet drinks, their sugar may have driven your blood glucose sky high, producing a spike in insulin, producing a drop in blood glucose, leaving you hanging out to dry the next day. This results in fatigue, muscle weakness, mood disturbance, nausea, and shakiness.

To combat malnutrition: Eat before you go out drinking. Eat while you are drinking, particularly proteins and fats rather than simple carbs that will spike your blood sugar and then vanish. Eat something when you come home. Something like cheese and crackers or a chicken breast will help with blood sugar, electrolytes, and alcohol toxins. Take a multivitamin. In the morning, eat something simple and easily metabolized, like low-acid fruit juice (apple, peach, pear, grape) to start off with. As your blood sugar stabilizes, you'll be able to figure out what kind of food you can tolerate if you're having stomach issues, but eating something is important.

6) Withdrawal. When you drink, there are changes in the levels of two regulating chemicals in your brain, GABA (which regulates excitability or stimulation) and glutamate (which creates stimulation). Because alcohol is a depressant, the body attempts to counteract its effects by kicking up your glutamate levels and reducing your GABA levels. By the next day, the alcohol is gone but your brain hasn't re-set itself yet, so you are still suffering the effects of too much glutamate, effectively producing short-term withdrawal symptoms like shakiness, weakness, and even mild heart palpitations in severe cases.

To combat withdrawal: This is why people recommend "the hair of the dog," or more alcohol. However, drinking again is only going to prolong the cycle. If you're having severe withdrawal symptoms, a very small amount of alcohol might help in the short term, but in general, using a substance to combat the effects of withdrawal of that substance is a Very Bad Sign and should be avoided. The only real cure here is time, so your body can re-regulate itself.

7) Bad sleep. Alcohol interferes with REM sleep, the deep sleep where you feel rested. The GABA/glutamate imbalance mentioned previously can contribute to early awakening. So can getting up to use the bathroom a bunch because your body is still over-producing fluid, or having to be sick to your stomach.

To combat bad sleep: Create a good sleeping environment - dark and quiet. You will be sleeping more lightly and thus will be easier to arouse. Build in time for a nap. If you wake up and can't sleep, get up for a while, use the time to hydrate and eat something, and then return to bed in a little while. Don't expect yourself to be functioning at peak efficiency the next day, regardless.


In summary:

Before you go out, eat something. Start the night off well-fed and well-hydrated. As you drink, pace yourself and alternate with non-alcoholic beverages. Stick with one or two types of alcohol. Continue to eat when possible.

When you come home (safely please), drink a big glass of water. With that water, take a multivitamin, a normal dose of ibuprofin, and a B-complex vitamin. Eat something with some fat, salt, and protein. Toss the cat and dog out of the bedroom, pull the curtains, put on your sleep mask, and get what sleep you can.

When you wake up, continue to hydrate, drink juice if your blood sugar is low, then feed yourself whatever sounds good.

And be careful out there.
Nov. 18th, 2010 @ 11:13 pm (no subject)
What's she building in there?
T-rex opinions
Yesterday's post on the TSA and "enhanced pat downs" got boosted in a bunch of places on LJ and Facebook, which was awfully nice of people. I'm glad what I wrote spoke to people, and maybe it will influence the debate in some small way.

California NOW asked me to come and guest blog the piece at their blog, so I cleaned it up in a few spots, added some clarifications, and posted it here. I have no idea if they get a lot of traffic, particularly of the troll variety; here's hoping I don't wake up to a million aggro emails. Thanks to those folks who added comments here that provided useful further links and nuances. Thanks also to [info]eyeteeth for giving permission to use her stix comic over there; here's hoping she gets some page traffic out of it. (Buy her holiday cards!)

A bunch of people friended me, which is very nice of them. I haven't been expanding my friends list on LJ for a while now other than in the case of new people whose circles intersect with mine, so please don't take offense if I don't re-friend everyone, as none is intended. I used to make most of my posts public, but doing clinical work as a therapist and then having some bad privacy blowback in other parts of my professional life led me to change that policy about 4 or 5 years back, so now 99% of what I post is friends locked. You're welcome to leave me on your list as I do blurt out the occasional rant, usually social-justice-focused, that I open up for public consumption.

Anyway, thanks for all the links and forwards and I hope as folks continue to talk about this whole issue of privacy and civil liberties, you'll do so with your antennae up for issues of intersectionality and privilege. I know it's good for me to be accountable for remembering that TSA workers are all human, and most are probably decent folks, and it's only the abusive ones plus the system that creates and protects them that are my enemy. Nuremburg defense aside, no one can afford to have too much outrage about their conditions of employment in this economy unless they want to go crazy or hungry or both.

I also know that when I think about the people who are more vulnerable than me, it takes my rage at the safety and insularity of people less vulnerable than me and turns it into something useful for focused action. I can't cruise on autopilot through the world as safely as some people can, but I can walk out to the edge of where I'm comfortable in order to stand up for people who are even less safe than me, to get their back, to boost their voices, to say "not in my name." I'd like a world where everybody tried that on their own scale, to the best of their own abilities.
Nov. 18th, 2010 @ 02:01 am (no subject)
What's she building in there?
Swearingen knows
11/19/10 - for those coming along via new links, I was asked to guest blog this post at the California NOW blog. Doing so gave me a chance to polish some bits and clarify a couple of points; you are welcome to read either version and respond either place but the version there is more thorough, while the comments here are more numerous.



(stix cartoon by [info]eyeteeth of Small Peculiar)

Which is pretty much my take on it, but of course you know I've gotta be about the nuance, because I spoil everything.

Patricia Calhoun at Westword started reporting on women being singled out for inappropriate groping in 2001, just weeks after 9/11: http://www.westword.com/2001-10-18/news/screen-and-screen-again/

For the next year, I wouldn't fly in anything other than a sports bra. Then the "zealous" screeners at DIA apparently eased off. I started wearing underwires through security again, but not without trepidation.

In 2003 I was almost arrested when I set off the metal detector because I was wearing a garter belt. I was pulled aside for the wand-down, which I didn't object to. I told them they'd get a small positive on the front and back of each thigh from the clips, which they did. The screener then demanded that I go to a "private screening room." "Not until my bags are done being x-rayed," I said, aware that I had a couple thousand dollars worth of technology in my carry-on. "You'll get them afterwards," they told me. I refused to go and asked for the "private screening" in view of my bags, even if that meant in view of other passengers. They threatened to arrest me. I lifted my skirt to show them the garter clips, flashing the entire terminal in the process, and the screener started to grab my arm, but the supervisor waved her off and said "let her go." I grabbed my bags off the conveyor and stalked off.

I have no illusions about what would happen today.

The thing is that nothing about this is new. Private citizens being arbitrarily singled out for intrusive searches and rough treatment by authority figures because of their appearance, their "attitude," or just a momentary need for an endorphin rush by a small-minded bureaucrat? Welcome to the lives of people of color, the phenomenon of Driving While Black, the lives of women, of transpeople, of disabled people (oh hai, Canada!).

It is no accident that women have been complaining about being pulled out of line because of their big breasts, having their bodies commented on by TSA officials, and getting inappropriate touching when selected for pat-downs for nearly 10 years now, but just this week it went viral. It is no accident that CAIR identified Islamic head scarves (hijab) as an automatic trigger for extra screenings in January, but just this week it went viral. What was different?

Suddenly an able-bodied cisgender white man is the one who was complaining.

It is also no accident that the rhetoric around "enhanced" pat-downs has immediately triggered a flood of racist, classist, ableist comments about TSA workers whom I've seen referred to as morons, retards, garbage collectors, high school drop-outs, and more. The fact that almost half of the TSA workforce is made up of POC? Purely coincidental. The fact that Republicans insisted that the bill creating the TSA also contain a clause saying they can never be unionized, and thus most of their force will never make more than working-class wages? Surely that has nothing to do with the public's contempt. Oh look, the homophobes are already on the bandwagon, and they always make for great bedfellows.

I hate the TSA. I hate petty bureaucrats. My ex-husband and I have been treated in humiliating, degrading, enraging ways by immigration officers long before they were the ICE, back when they were the INS, before Homeland Security and 9/11. I said then and I say now, if you give small-minded, disempowered people small amounts of power on the job, some of them will inevitably become mini-tyrants who live to wield that power over others at every available opportunity. I fully believe that for every person with integrity, honor, and a nuanced view of the world who occupies one of those roles, there is a person who gets their kicks from bullying others, picking on those they see as vulnerable, and being as rigid and inflexible as they can get away with before a supervisor yanks their chain.

I am flying in December, and will be flying much more next year as my new job will require about 3 off-site "residency" weeks per year where I travel to run clinical skills workshops for students. I live a good 2-3 day drive from my aging parents and my lone remaining grandmother. It is not an option for me to say "I just won't fly any more."

When I fly in December, if I'm pulled out for either of the imaging machines, I will adopt the same demeanor and rhetoric I use when a medical person tries to get me to step on a scale: "No, thank you." Polite but firm. "Not today, thanks." I will submit to the "enhanced" pat-down and tolerate having my hair stroked, my labia and breasts touched, my waistband fingered. I will ask to have it done in full view of all other passengers, not in a "private area," and I will ask for a witness, possibly a police officer. And then I will go to my gate and write up my report for the ACLU. And I will adopt this same strategy until the policies change.

Because I do not believe there is adequate evidence that the levels of x-rays in the backscatter machines is safe, particularly for those with histories of melanoma, depressed immune systems, children, or the elderly.

Because I believe there is adequate evidence to show that the images produced by these machines can be stored, have been stored, and have been used as fodder for others' amusement.

Because even if I am not wearing a maxi pad or an adult diaper, wearing a breast prosthetic after surgery, fitted with an ostomy bag, or living with genitals that don't match my expressed gender, I know others are, and I think subjecting them to potential humiliation and ridicule is wrong and does not make us more safe.

Because I am a fat woman, but I am smallish fat, probably not the size of fat that would get me snickered at between employees or by other passengers, whether I was being photographed or patted down, but many people are bigger than me and they live with enough opportunities for ridicule in their life already.

Because I know that having an essentially nude image taken of me might not be traumatic for me but it might be for others.

Because I know that being intrusively groped might be something I can tolerate via dissociation, but not everyone can.

Because I know that it is not OK for the government to make images of the nude outlines of childrens' bodies, particularly in a world where Mike Diana can be convicted of obscenity for making crude drawings of sexual molestation.

Because I am not confident that the TSA has effectively removed convicted sex offenders from the ranks of people allowed to feel up or look at the naked outlines of the bodies of adults and children.

Because I hope that if enough people request the "enhanced" pat-down, a not-insignificant segment of TSA employees will start to object and make the very valid point that when they were hired, they were not told that touching people's junk was in the job description.

Because if you want it on board badly enough, you will shove it up your personal area, and they haven't started doing body cavity searches. Yet.

Because I know that it is perfectly possible to get all kinds of things on board that could serve as weapons, even if you feel up everyone's junk.

Because they're still not screening the people who clean the aircraft cabin or re-stock the soda cart, while the back side of baggage claim is still "protected" by an 8' high chain link fence. While in the meantime they're x-raying pilots and cabin crew over and over and over, when all a pilot needs to bring a plane down is... the controls.

Because I do not believe in living in a police state.

At the same time, I am on to the fact that conversation about civil liberties and police states is just now starting to go viral, when we have held people in Guantanamo for 8 years now without pressing charges against them, when 1 in 4 women is the victim of an attempted sexual assault in her lifetime and that's without counting "enhanced pat-downs," when suddenly it's the single black mother feeling up the educated white guy instead of the other way around. Suddenly images of violated (young, attractive) women are being used, and commenters on blogs are saying "dude, what if that was your wife or your daughter?" as if starting this week, physical assaults on women and girls was a Very Serious Issue, never mind the fact that it took an upset white guy to finally get the media's attention. Never mind the fact that some upset white guys are practically advocating physical and sexual assault on the TSA screeners, both male and female.

Kyriarchy: I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE.

ETA: You are welcome to link to this post; you are not welcome to cut-and-paste the contents except as a brief quotation with a link back.

I edited this post to add more visible credit to the cartoon's author and to add a thought about vulnerability for fat people at about 1230pm West Coast time on 11/18/10.

Second ETA: I explicitly called out the "cisgender" piece of this puzzle when I tweaked this post for California NOW; however most links seem to be coming here for the nonce. Since I apparently thought I'd added "cisgender" to my money quote here but failed to do so [headdesk], I added it on 11/19/10.

Third ETA as of May 2011 - this post has become a magnet for spam pharmaceutical ads, so I'm closing comments.
Sep. 13th, 2010 @ 10:43 pm (no subject)
What's she building in there?
You're a kitty!
[info]simplykimberly has a batch of pre-sweetened kittens ready to go, who need to find some forever homes so she can devote herself to the care of other fosters! Meet the Dipsticks:

IMG_0417

So named because each of them looks like a white cat with their points "dipped" in another color.

I believe the tabby "dips" are Hadron and Joule, the marmalade "dip" is Einstein, and the pale smoke "dip" is Photon.

As you can see, they are very affectionate.

IMG_0900

Here, Photon and Einstein share a plastic box with Turtle and Otter, two of the three survivors of a litter of six that came along, tiny and very frail, just as the Dipsticks were starting to hold their own.

IMG_0921

Turtle, Otter, and their brother Pampas are not ready to go to forever homes yet. They will stay with Miss Kimberly for further sweetening, along with n00bs Jett and Kiki:

IMG_0931

If you or someone you know in the Bay Area would make a good forever home for one or more of the Dipsticks, please get in touch with [info]simplykimberly and let her know! Kittens this sweet won't last long.
Aug. 26th, 2010 @ 11:43 pm (no subject)
What's she building in there?
big damn heroes
OK, so, regarding the whole conference thing...

A friend has offered to gift me a portion of the cost, and loan me the rest, interest-free. I am pretty blown away and a little embarrassed to be honest, but it was a sincere gesture and I accepted. I booked my flight and paid for my conference registration via a credit card, which I'll pay back when I get the loan to save on the interest. The hotel, transit, and food costs will obviously come at the end of next month.

Other folks indicated interest in helping, which was awfully nice. What I concluded with my friend is that I'm willing to accept such a gesture, but I'll just turn around and use it to pay back a portion of what my friend is loaning me, so I'm not double-dipping and so said friend gets back a little of the principal straightaway, since it may be a while before I can pay back the rest of it.

I tried to figure out a Paypal button but they don't seem to have one just for gifts, and there is a "donate" one, but I've heard tales about Paypal indefinitely freezing donated funds if you're not a 501(c)3 which I never claimed to be, just an unemployed PhD. In any case, if someone wants to help out, my email for Paypal is elusis (at) gmail (dot) com. Please make sure you do the following after you put in my email:

1) Click the "personal" tab, to switch away from the "purchase" options.
2) Make sure "gift" is selected.

Otherwise Paypal will take their cut. Same thing if you charge to a credit or debit card, so it's obviously better if you withdraw directly from your bank account or from an existing Paypal balance. I really hate that they used to let small account holders accept a few charges per year without taking fees out, but that's long since over.

Anyway, this is hardly a "keep my lights on" kind of priority request, but some people said they wanted to help, so that's how you can. And thanks, regardless.
Jul. 8th, 2010 @ 04:38 pm (no subject)
What's she building in there?
scream


There is no justice in this country for people of color.
Jun. 1st, 2010 @ 01:54 pm (no subject)
What's she building in there?
cat lady
Anyone in Maryland or thereabouts willing to take in a very sweet, senior cat whose human is dying and is being cared for by a nurse who is terribly allergic to cats?

http://hubblespacepaws.blogspot.com/2010/05/my-bean-is-dying-and-i-need-home.html
Nov. 4th, 2009 @ 02:04 pm (no subject)
What's she building in there?
toast to racism
Diversity educator and filmmaker Lee Mun Wah is putting together a book called "Let's Get Real: What People of Color Can't Say and Whites Won't Ask."

He's got a series of questions for both POC and white people, and is asking for responses from anyone who cares to answer some or all of them. The deadline for responses is November 15th. Participants whose responses are selected for publication get a free, autographed copy of the book.

Info is here:

http://www.stirfryseminars.com/letsgetreal/
Oct. 5th, 2009 @ 11:40 pm (no subject)
What's she building in there?
spindlehead
[info]simplykimberly the kitten pusher has a new batch ready for adoption:



I can attest to the success of her kitten-sweetening program, as I am currently being cuddled by sweet, floppy kittens monster cats on both sides.
Sep. 18th, 2009 @ 01:49 pm (no subject)
What's she building in there?
big damn heroes
Where is my mind?: ranty
OK, so half the people I know right now are having issues with their banks. Not content with sucking at the tit of government bailouts, commercial banks are upping the level of shennanigans because they know that federal legislation outlawing random increases in your interest rate, punitive fees, and other ways of jerking the customer around is going to go into effect, and before that sweet, sweet dirty money tap runs dry, they're going to do a big ol keg stand.

Folks: let's go join credit unions.

Local folks: Patelco. If you live or work in Alameda, Contra Costa, Marin, Napa, Sacramento, San Francisco, San Mateo, Santa Clara, Solano, or Sonoma counties, or live in a ton of Bay Area cities, or work for a ton of different companies... basically most of the local people I know would qualify.

There's a whole list of reasons you could read about why to join but I'll tell you what did it for me: when Chase randomly decided to reward a history of on-time, over-minimum payment by increasing my interest rate to 25%, I checked with Patelco, and they explicitly forbid such behavior in their credit card agreements. My credit is still banged up from last year, so I didn't qualify for their 14% card, but in a few months I will, and the minute I get the OK, I'm rolling that Chase card over to a Patelco card or line of credit.

Here's a fun anecdote: I opened my accounts in late August. I stopped by the Berkeley branch on Tuesday to hand over my paycheck (e-deposit takes two cycles to switch over) and asked why I hadn't received any checks. Apparently they were never ordered. Apparently they just ended their "free box of checks with a new account" promo last week. A box would only cost me $10, but I was mildly put out.

The next morning, Berkeley called the Oakland branch where I opened the account. Shortly thereafter I had an Oakland rep calling me to personally apologize for failing to order my checks, telling me she'd be waiving the fee and putting in the order right away, and also letting me know that if I needed temp checks in the meantime, the fee for those would be waived too.

Now there is a corporation that understands that I am the customer, and can choose to use their service or go elsewhere.

The biggest thing people worry about with credit unions is "how do I use ATMs without paying fees?" Patelco shares service with branches of other credit unions, meaning you can do your banking in person there, and they're also part of an ATM co-op network that's nationwide and free. Every 7-11 and Costco has an ATM you can use without paying fees. When I've done an online search with various Bay Area addresses, it's rarely more than a mile or two to a free ATM. They also have an 800-number you can call to get ATM locations.

I hate change, and changing banks is a pain in the ass as you wait for all the checks to clear with bank #1 and wait for your paycheck to show up in bank #2 and switch over all your auto-pay accounts and hope nothing bounces and deal with holds on your checks since you're a new account and etc.

But screw corporate banks. I grew up using my mom's teachers credit union, and I only left when I moved to Colorado the first time and e-banking didn't yet exist. I regret every dollar I've ever spent with a corporate bank - NorthWest, HSBC, Wells Fargo, Chase, all of them have turned out to be assholes at the end of the day (Wells Fargo was probably the best out of all of them but they still were worse than the credit union.)

Credit unions, folks. If you have a "my bank fucked me over and didn't even buy me dinner first" story, stop giving them your money. Even if you can't close out all your credit cards right away, you can take your checking and savings elsewhere, and see what a credit union would extend to you in terms of either a lower rate card or a personal loan (own a car? offer it as collateral) to get at least some of the interest off your back. If everybody who was angry at their bank took their business away and put it with a credit union whose values are pro-consumer, maybe this shit would stop.

Thus ends today's rant.
Aug. 20th, 2009 @ 12:09 pm (no subject)
What's she building in there?
redblur
Jul. 8th, 2009 @ 01:52 am Some recent kitty pictures.
What's she building in there?
mad science
I am obsessed with taking pics of Ophelia cuddling with the kittens (OK Zorya mostly) because it is still so surprising to me. Why at 18 did she suddently decide she likes to cuddle? Well she doesn't like it all the time, but when she does, it makes me happy.


Ophelia crashed out on Zorya. They do yin/yang a lot.
Ophelia crashed out on Zorya.
They do yin/yang a lot.
Sometimes she even puts up with Koala getting involved. But she does not cuddle with Lenore.
Sometimes she even puts up with Koala getting involved.
But she does not cuddle with Lenore.
Nor Lenore with her.
Nor Lenore with her.

May. 19th, 2009 @ 05:12 pm My cat is an obesity paradox.
What's she building in there?
mad science
My cat Ophelia is dying of cancer.

She has been dying of cancer for some time now. "Anywhere from a month to a year at the outside," I was told by the vet when we got the diagnosis - presumptive intestinal lymphoma, which we could confirm via biopsy if we wanted but the shadows on the ultrasound were reasonably definitive.

That was October of 2007. It is 19 months later, and each day I get up and wonder "will this be the morning when I find her body?" but she keeps on keeping on, enjoying her gooshy food and chin skritches and late-night bouts of sitting on my head, poking my sleeping face so I'll turn my head and snorgle her tummy. Her energy levels wax and wane, and she will no longer use a covered litter box (but that could just be her arthritis). She will now push my hand toward her lower belly when i try to scratch her chest, which could be an indication that she has pain down there and rubbing helps. But mostly she's keeping on keeping on.

Ophelia was spayed when she was little, and she was one of those cats whose abdominal muscles never really knit, so she always had a big, droopy, swingy tummy. She was a "pleasingly plump" kitty for most of her life - she exceeded the recommendations in the vet's office that suggested you should be able to palpate your pet's ribs or your cat was obese. When she walked or ran, her tummy swung back and forth.

The experience of having a fat cat wasn't all that different from being a fat person myself. People had opinions about Ophelia's weight. "Wow, that cat doesn't miss many meals!" the guy who came to fix our fridge remarked (I glared at him, and he was lucky I was too distracted by our fridge issues to go off on his unsolicited comment). My mom constantly asked me about Ophelia's health, and gave me her opinions about the many diet foods I should try (because like the industry aimed at people, there is a whole industry around pet health that is filled with quacks pushing their products guaranteed to cure the "problem" of pet obesity). Vets said to me "well, you really should work on getting her weight down," even when I pointed out that she ate less than half a cup of diet dry cat food a day, and got a tablespoon of wet food once a day (I imagine they assumed I was lying, just like fat people lie about what we eat). I occasionally pointed out that she ate the same food, in about the same quantities, as our Auxilliary Backup Cat Lenore who was always... wait for it... underweight, but to no avail. They never mentioned putting her on a kitty treadmill, so I was never sure what they wanted me to do other than restrict her food, but how that was meant to work with an underweight cat in the house was rather unclear.

The sad thing is that at her highest weight, Ophelia was about 13.5 pounds. That is a medium-largish cat, but not a massive cat. She was no Maine Coon with a body frame that naturally gravitated toward 20 pounds or more, but she was a medium-frame domestic cat who went outdoors in good weather but was mostly content with hanging out just chilling and looking over her domain rather than running, jumping, and climbing trees (no action transvestite, her!) She was not a cat that could barely get off the floor, or that fell asleep face down in her bowl. But people were FREAKED OUT about her weight. She was floppy in the tummy and curvy and a little soft, and it UPSET PEOPLE. (Wow, is that familiar...)

Now here's the thing: She has a disease that is slowly destroying her ability to absorb nutrients because it's taking over her intestinal tract. We are keeping it at bay with Prednisone, but we are on borrowed time at this point and have been for a long while. The last time I weighed her, she was a little over 9 pounds. Twice, she has dropped to just above 8 pounds, first when she had the pancreatitis that sent her to the vet where the cancer diagnosis emerged, and again about a year ago which led us to increase her medication dose. Both times she's re-stabilized and picked up weight, but at this point she is THIN. She is a bony kitty across her back, her fur is dry and visibly sparse and never really grew back where she was shaved for the ultrasound.

And: If she had not had that reserve of weight, those precious five-plus pounds between her highest weight and her lowest, where would we be now? Those extra pounds insulated her, gave her a reserve to run on. Her tendency to conserve weight, a tendency that I believe is genetic given my subsequent experience with all our Auxilliary Backup Cats who have turned out in a rainbow of shapes and sizes and body types on exactly the same diet, has SAVED HER LIFE thus far. But all anyone ever focused on was how terrible it was that she had a floppy tummy and a curvy middle.

So imagine my non-surprise when Shocking! New! Medical! Research! suggests that maybe we ought to worry about feeding cancer patients since it seems that 20% of them die of malnutrition. Maybe making food interesting and delicious and enticing and high-calorie is important for their health! Maybe food should be rewarding and important and valued, not just blah fuel for the body's machine (as if we were just shoveling lumps of coal into a cast-iron stove). Maybe our cultural neurosis about assuming that "if it's delicious, is must be bad and sinful and you should avoid it" and "we know what a balanced diet looks like for all people everywhere all the time" is actually killing people through benign, institutionalized neglect of a basic physical need?

And the shockers keep coming: the myth that sugar feeds cancer doesn't scare people INTO health, but OUT of it? The fact that "overweight" people who go on chemo sometimes get kudos for weight loss, which, in retrospect, might be kind of a bad idea? You don't say. I'm pretty sure it's not just overweight people who "delight at shedding pounds," but their doctors and family members and friends who give them ya-yas too, since we all know that fat causes cancer and therefore if you get less fat, your cancer will be cured... Except that whoops, the primary conclusion there isn't right either, but who's counting?

My cat is, I think, a feline example of the obesity paradox - the reality that being overweight carries a lower mortality risk than being underweight or even "normal weight," and in fact may provide some cushion against illness and death. Thank goodness she was a "chubby kitty" because she is now 18 years old, and the cancer has not yet taken her from me, and I credit many things for that - the love and bonding we have, the regular vet care I've given her, the Prednisone, the good food, maybe even the affectionate bond she developed with Zorya in the past year. But I give big credit to that swingy tummy.
Mar. 13th, 2009 @ 01:39 pm Calendar girls: white women, this one's for you?
What's she building in there?
fail armada
You know why it's important for white people to think about, and do something about, the terrible way race is (not) handled in SF/F literature and the fandom culture that surrounds it?

Let me answer by way of analogy, for the straight white women in the house at least:

You remember how, when it was like 1989, and you were 16 and your boyfriend was 19 and the two of you sometimes got together with a few other friends to play AD&D on weekends before he went off to college? And how he had a subscription to Dragon Magazine and you read through a lot of issues hanging out in his attic bedroom while he played a text-based adventure game or worked on his miniatures? And how he had all the Forgotten Realms books which you never really got that into except that you were clear Drizzt Do'Urden was probably kind of hot*, but mostly you read your Anne McCaffrey and Piers Anthony because, yay dragons and unicorns?

And do you remember how, at one point, your boyfriend got a fantasy art calendar with covers from a bunch of issues of "Dragon," and it kind of grossed you out a little because a lot of the artwork was of these crazy bizarre women with tits as big as their heads and no waist and clothing that was probably just kind of stapled on so it could flow around them like mist, and they were usually on their knees in front of some dude, and it was kind of unclear if this was "art" or if it was "porn" and you hadn't heard of the Third Wave yet so as far as you knew, "porn" was probably bad and might mean your relationship had a problem?

And do you remember how there were always ads in the back where people would offer to do a drawing of your AD&D character for a fee, and you kind of wanted one but you were also kind of scared that she would turn out looking like that calendar and you were pretty clear that would be uncool, because your 17th level half-elf magic user had an Intelligence score of 21 so clearly she knew how to put on appropriate clothing, whereas apparently the women on the calendar had all swapped out most of their Intelligence points for Charisma?

And do you remember getting to go to a Con with your boyfriend for a day, and being too shy to enter any games, but just wandering around all the booths, and feeling sort of excited but also sort of weird because most of the featured authors were men, and most of the featured artists were men, and most of the stuff in the art gallery was either of monsters, badass men, or calendar women, and you were outnumbered like 10-to-1 in the main hall? Remember that part where you saw a Really Famous Fantasy Artist talking to a bunch of fanboys with Hitchhiker's shirts, and decided to go talk to him and ask him your burning question? Remember how your boyfriend held your hand because, after all, he was a decent guy and loved you very much even if you were a 16-year-old proto-feminist with no analysis and an embarrassing fondness for getting perms still?

Remember how you felt standing at Famous Fantasy Artist's booth, the only girl in the crowd? Remember how long you had to wait to get his attention? Remember how much courage it took to say "no thanks" to an autograph, and instead to ask "why don't you draw some different types of women, since there are all types of characters in AD&D, and if I just paid 5000 gp for a decent set of armor, probably it should cover more of my body than the gal in that painting right there?"

Remember the look on his face of amused contempt? Remember the look on the faces of all the other guys around the table, of scorn and irritation and even a hint of rage? Remember how you saw a tiny glint in some of their eyes that made you suddenly flash on that scene from "The Accused" that kept you up all night for weeks on end with nightmares after you watched it over your mom's objections, how you thought "oh, it's a really good thing that it's daytime and my boyfriend is here, because I have just pissed some men off?"

Remember how it felt to have your boyfriend still standing there with you?


Remember how 1989 that feels, reliving it now?

Gender critiques and race critiques of SF/F are not identical. They do not have identical histories or contexts or impacts on the participants and witnesses.

But 20 years ago, I distinctly remember how salient and how painful the subject of gender in my favorite genre was for me as a young woman. I remember how hard it was, even on computer BBS discussion boards, to get anyone to take a gender critique of our favorite authors and artists seriously. I remember how alone I felt in the tiny circles I ran in, and how cut off I felt from the critiques I later found out were being battled over in bigger and more influential circles, critiques that at that time had certainly not trickled down into my world. I remember how disappointing it was to have that "aha" moment when the penny dropped and I realized that Anne McCafferey was basically writing dragon-based romance novels with a tiny bit of poli-sci in them, Piers Anthony took every possible opportunity to have his female characters get their kits off, and this RAH everybody was so keen on mostly seemed to be into finding excuses to turn his female characters into multiple, willing fuck-tubes for the centralized men.

I remember feeling really ready to open my mouth and say *something* about it to *someone* in power, even if it meant I got laughed at in public. I remember how mad I was when people told me I was reading too much into things, and how good it felt when someone else said "no, I see what you're talking about," and how exciting it was when little dribs and drabs of not-entirely-fail-based genre fiction would find their way into my hands.

I remember how glad I was that my boyfriend was willing to stand with me that day.

Demanding more from SF/F in terms of addressing gender and breaking down stereotypes was (and is) important. Genre fiction was a refuge for me as a weirdo outsider, but a steady diet of colonized images of women also did a bunch of stuff to the inside of my head that I am still trying to scrape loose. Asking the simple questions and the hard questions and all the questions in between has not made SF/F an oasis of feminist praxis, but it has helped things get a little better. And having male allies to accompany me into the fray and to add their thoughtful voices to the conversation has been important.

While gender critiques and racial critiques are not identical, perhaps by referencing the importance of the former (something many straight white women fans can identify with), I'll evoke a bit of the importance of the latter. Perhaps by acknowledging guys like my boyfriend, I'll make it clear the importance of white allies who come along and say to those in power, with words or through their presence, "do not try to pull any of that mystification or shaming bullshit here because you are being watched and judged, and not just by your like-minded pals."

For most straight white women, gender issues hit them where they live. People of color? Living up close and personal with race, all the time. (Bonus advanced points: Some people? Live with BOTH!) Did you ever hit a point where talking about gender was not optional? Maybe you can consider that the same is true for POC and race.

Maybe remembering a time when it was even harder to talk about gender in SF/F than it is right now (when it's still pretty hard) will awaken some stirrings of empathy, give you some energy to read some smart writing - I mean some of it is even funny, so there's an enticement right?

Nobody's perfect. It takes time to work your shit out (helloooo, my skanky race issues!). You might learn there's lots of stuff you don't know and then what do you do with THAT? But it's important to deal with the discomfort of fumbling attempts at getting it right and failing unless you really like being one of those Hitchhiker's guys in 1989, or worse yet, the smirking Famous Fantasy Artist.

In conclusion... I have no conclusion. I am going back to subverting the dominant discourse the way that I am actually good at, through teaching culturally competent and privilege/power-sensitive mental health to future therapists (yay grading season!) But I am keeping my eye on [info]verb_noire as its dream of a small press launches, and [info]fight_derailing with its ideas for constructive engagement, and [info]con_or_bust with its goals for sending POC to Cons. Because a long time ago my first boyfriend backed me up while I tried to clumsily speak truth to power, and that was important to me, and changing the face of genre fiction is important to me now.

*Because you were a long way off from dealing with your own skanky race issues, whee!
Mar. 5th, 2009 @ 01:37 am Don't try to teach your Internet grandmother to suck eggs: On anonymity/pseudonymity.
What's she building in there?
fail pie
Where is my mind?: irritatedirritated
I first logged onto a computer bulletin board system (BBS) in 1993 or 94. "Alias?" it asked. Alias? I didn't have an alias. But we had just studied the Eleusinian Mysteries in my History of Theater class, and "elusive" was always a favorite word, so "Elusis" was born.

When someone began bringing Usenet newsgroups through a gateway into the WWIV BBS networks, I was "Elusis" there too. Some people on Usenet posted under their real names, but many used aliases, handles, usernames, pseudonyms, call them what you want. I had a clear policy: do not use my real name. First, last, either, EVER. I can't recall if it was even possible to delete a post that was sent to Usenet in those days, but the few times someone who knew me in real life slipped, I let them know about it. In at least one epic flame war, someone taking personal issue with me used my real name; what angered me was both the violation of my privacy, and the assumed familiarity. I didn't want my real name in their virtual "mouth." They had not earned the right to know me by my real name, as my friends had.

Back in the day on Usenet, if you tangled with trolls, you knew the importance of taking at least basic steps to protect your privacy. The alt.syntax.tactical crew and the Meow brigade treated trolling like an Olympic sport, and had no compunction about their tactics. I have used anonymous remailers, including anon.penet.fi, to protect myself, and been very relieved that they were available. At a minimum, using an alias always seemed wise, even before the advent of Google, when Yahoo's shitty index was competing with Dogpile and InfoSeek and Lycos and nobody really had a handle on Usenet.

And yet somehow, while using a pseudonym, I managed to build plenty of relationships with people online. To this day, people will run across my email address or LJ name and say "are you Elusis who used to run a WWIV BBS?" I have managed to build a small, stable online reputation that has endured for 14+ years while providing a tiny modicum of privacy for myself. I have used this name for Usenet, email, LiveJournal, every site where I have a login, DJing, and other arenas. When I took a different name in the Rogues, it felt positively bizarre.

But I do know this: you don't out people's real names online. The sole exception I can think of is if someone is committing theft/fraud; for example if someone is selling used clothing on an LJ community but failing to deliver, and changing user names over and over, it might come to a point where it was necessary to say "look, this person goes by many aliases but if you get an invoice asking you to pay Wilhemina McDoucheyton, don't send them any money because look at all these people who have been ripped off." That kind of thing.

"Aliases" or "handles" or "usernames" do not equal "sockpuppets" or "trolls." The tradition of using an alias to which a reputation and relationships attach is, I would venture to suggest, far older than the World Wide Web and hardly solely limited to the Internet. I have been introduced to all kinds of people in real life who called themselves things other than what was on their driver's license. I had a boyfriend for a little while who, in my mind, had a silent "9" in the middle of his name because that's how he wrote it online, and another whom I thought of as "Panther" rather than "J____" because that's how I met him on the BBS's. I have known plenty of people whose DJ names I think of more easily than their real names even though we've spent hours together in the booth. There were people in the Rogues whose birth names I never did quite nail down, or who I never even realized *had* a different name than the one I was taught.

You know what characteristic a lot of the alias-ed people I know from Usenet and BBSs and goth clubbing and Renn Faire and other places have shared? Being fans of science fiction and/or fantasy. You know who should understand people who use funny names that are not their birth names and who are well-understood to be real, actual people and not some latent manifestation of a small group's delusion of persecution? SF/F people. (*koff*James Tiptree, Jr.*koff*)

So when discussion of racial issues in SF/F books turns into RaceFail '09*, which is still going on after six weeks which is like ten thousand years in Internet time, the argument that 1) aliases = sockpuppets and trolls, and therefore 2) it is OK to expose people's real names when you don't agree with them is not only laughable, self-serving, and mean, it is also coming from PEOPLE WHO SHOULD KNOW BETTER. The day I go to a gathering of SF/F fans and don't have anyone introduced to me as "Lord Penumbra" is undoubtedly a day I long for with all my heart, but it is not going to happen any time soon.

Arguments about why online anonymity is important are legion. Some are chronicled here, in an analysis which includes not only [info]coffeeandink's sensible list of the usual and reasonably well-understood justifications, but also an analysis of how for minorities, often their name and reputation doesn't just affect them, it affects their family, and it affects other members of their minority group. Stories of not just outing but of harassment, abuse, and death threats that escalated to the point of being taken seriously by law enforcement (which takes rather a lot).

It is no coincidence that many times, the worst abuse (defamation and professional assassination, harassment that interferes with one's job, being frightened so badly that the target goes underground) is saved for women. Men who get in arguments with other people online don't get threatened with rape on a regular basis. Unsurprisingly, trans people get abused in this way too. People of color get driven from online spaces** for daring to speak out, even in defense of their own intellectual property, never mind offering a critique of someone else's work, and I know there are examples out there of direct abuse similar to the links I've posted above, I just don't have them at my Google-tips.

Speaking openly is a privilege. If you claim it, fine. You don't have the right to demand that someone else claim it as well, because they may have plenty of excellent reasons for not doing so. I don't even read SF/F fan communities, and yet it has been crystal clear to me, just through my social contacts with people who do (and because my interest in social justice and anti-racism has prompted me to follow up on links) that trying to speak truth to power even in the world of SF/F fandom, backwater of mainstream society that it is, is inherently unsafe unless you are allied with some pretty powerful folks whom you have convinced to defend you at every turn, no matter how many idiotic and dominating things you do over and over.

Back in the day on rec.music.tori-amos, we had developed an idiosyncratic culture that involved far more off-topic discussion than on-topic. Most of the long-time posters were there more to facilitate friendships than to share Tori Amos info, except for the brief bits of time when she was touring or putting out an album. We knew this was disconcerting for newer people, so we developed a system of thread markers to help easily distinguish on-topic content. We published a Survival Guide that was automatically posted... weekly? to help people find their way.

But every so often, someone would wander in and start spewing a bunch of bellicose crap about how the newsgroup sucked, the newsgroup was off-topic, we should all take it elsewhere if we wanted to just socialize, blah blah blah blah. And the regulars would have Yet Another Laugh over the temerity of Some People's Children to come stomping into other people's sandboxes and start trying to tell the sandbox owners how one should play in a sandbox, because lord knows they were the Supreme Lord of All Sandboxes and we should be bowing down and worshipping their superior way of doing things. The laughter took on a certain strained quality after a few years, though.

When the Defenders of White People Elizabeth Bear And Friends started off on their "how DARE You People use fake names on your Live Journal accounts! I call TROLL!" tirades, I thought back to the days of the RMTA sandbox and thought "of course - what the world needs is people with no knowledge of a particular venue's culture and traditions to start announcing how Ur Doing It Rong and insisting that everyone play by their norms, because that ALWAYS helps." And you know, I could spend hours (have spent hours; some people have spent days and even weeks) deconstructing their dumbass arguments, especially when they change every couple of days, but in the end for me it kind of comes down to arguing on the Internet and I know where my loyalties lie and which people I will listen to if issues of race are raised, and I had more than enough information to help me start thinning out the "unread books" bookshelf a little several weeks ago, so really? I will be fighting some other fights most of the time while pumping my chubby fist in solidarity with people who are passionate about fandom as an arena for participation and change and who are doing a beautiful, if tiring, job of handing out pants to the pants-less. So if assholes are going to march around demanding that anyone they don't know personally needs to prove his or her existance, racial and gender identity, qualifications for critiquing SF/F, personal story of oppression and struggle which can't possibly be as bad as ____'s, fuck those jerks is my conclusion.

But when they started posting people's personal info in an attempt to go after specific people who defy them because "well we've never seen any of these people at Cons and so they must not be Real Fans (tm) they must be fake because how can people with fake names be real," I am going to call FUCKERY. Because Elusis has been a Real Person (tm) for 14 years now, and Elusis knows people called gUs and Dances With Cars and Sexbat and Gavin and DJ Tower and Captain Hawk, has spent fairly significant time with some of them even, and none of those names are on their birth certificates but that doesn't make them fake people and trolls, it makes them an old chum from back in the day, and my dead best friend, and one of my first goth heroes, and one of the stormiest friends I've ever stormed with, and someone who taught me how to DJ, and someone I love with all my heart.

And when a friend says to me "remember, I don't like my LJ name linked to real-life activities because I'd prefer not to let strangers know what city I live in," I go "shit, I forgot, let me fix that" and pull it down and replace it with an initial. I do not initiate freaking World War Four over it and declare that their way of handling their privacy makes them morally inferior to me and mock them for their culture of anonymity as if such a thing had just been invented recently to annoy me personally. And I definitely not go make a post stating "'harrypotterrulez' is actually Eugenia Terpsichore and she lives in Oakland California and works for the University of Colorado, I'M JUST SAYING."

Because you know what that would make me? A fucking douchebag.

*Link apparently doesn't include any of the insanity that took place in February '09 as of this writing.

** Yes bfp eventually resumed blogging but I think it's no coincidence that she ultimately began wholly new blogs and seems to have changed focus somewhat.
Jan. 16th, 2009 @ 02:58 pm (no subject)
What's she building in there?
mad science
The cultural appropriation winds are blowing again. I started on this the last time that [info]fatshionista went through convulsions over appropriation, but I was finally motivated to finish it today.

Please feel free to repost with attribution as desired.

Dec. 26th, 2008 @ 07:21 pm Oh it's diet season.
What's she building in there?
mudflap girl
So, it's getting to that New Year's Resolution time of year, and usually I just wind up linking back to my old "What I don't want to hear about your diet" post because I'm too lazy busy to write something new even though my thinking has increased in complexity since that time.

So this year, I'm giving the link, but I'm also adding new thoughts.

1) I think dieting for weight loss is a bad idea. It doesn't work, it's bad for you in the long run, and it tends to make you fatter. Even if you don't call it a diet, but a "lifestyle change."

2) I do not think that dieting means you're a good, strong-willed, virtuous person. Conversely, I don't think that not trying to be thinner makes you a bad person, and that failing to become thinner even when you're trying to makes you a lazy, lying liar who lies and just isn't starving yourself hard enough. I think it makes you someone who's body isn't interested in being thin.

3) I know for a fact that weight and health are not the same things. I know this because I'm around 200 pounds, am certainly "obese," and have perfect cholesterol, blood pressure that's slightly higher than it was 10 years ago but is still well within the healthy range, a functioning thyroid, and can, as many have noticed, walk, dance, and generally caper about. I believe it was [info]misia who once pointed out "every time I stand up, I leg-press 200 pounds." But don't believe me, believe the science: fat people live longer, a lot of disease we attribute to fat seems to be genetic, oh go read the whole "Obesity Paradox" series on Junkfood Science, please? Losing weight doesn't make you healthy. You can have illness we normally attribute to fatness while looking thin. As Gregory House put it, "being thin doesn't make you healthy. It just makes you pretty." (Which is of course debatable.)

4) I am certainly supportive of people deciding they're going to put a wide variety of delicious, nutritious food in their bodies, and move those bodies around in ways that are fun, challenging, and stimulating. Exercise is worthy for its own sake, not because it (might but likely won't) lead to permanent weight loss. I am supportive of intuitive eating, of enjoying food. Food is awesome, food is fun, and learning to enjoy food instead of treating it like the enemy is one of the best gifts you can give yourself. Eating mindfully instead of mindlessly is great. Learning to translate what your body wants is hard work because lord knows that we, particularly women, are taught to have as much body/mind disconnect as possible ("nothing tastes as good as being thin feels," anyone?). But it's awesome.

5) I do not believe in "good" and "bad" food. It's food, not a moral dilemma. There are plenty of moral dilemmas around food (vegetarian or not? vegan or not? cage free eggs? carbon footprints? food insecurity? lack of grocery stores in poor neighborhoods?) but "should I eat this cookie?" isn't one of them. You want the cookie? Eat the cookie. You want another one? Enjoy that one too. It is not uranium, it is not a referendum on your moral character as a human being, it is just a freaking cookie. And if you make a big hullabaloo about how good you are for "resisting," or how bad you are for "giving in," what does that say about what you think of me and the others around me who are just enjoying our food? By the way, thanks for spoiling my appetite.

6) I do not believe any one food, eaten at a given time, is dangerous or bad (unless, of course, you have a medically-documented allergy, in which case back away from the crab dip, [info]rivetpepsquad! I also know our beloved diabetics have to watch the blood sugars. That's totally fair, and not what I'm talking about here). That plate of fettucine alfredo? Eat it or don't, but it's not evil for just sitting there being delicious at you. I don't know of anyone who eats only one food all the time, so eating some creamy pasta now is unlikely to kill you dead on the spot. If you're eating a variety of foods, later you'll probably have a salad and in the morning you'll have an orange and some toast and for lunch you'll have pizza and for dinner you'll have falafel and look at that, you did not eat yourself to death by having a single meal of rich food. Oh, and quit comparing what you eat and how much you eat to everyone around you, too. This is not a contest.

7) Quit blaming your body when you feel bad. "Fat" is not an emotion. "Fat" is a thought.. It may or may not be a true thought, but if it is true, so what? Hating on your body is a bad habit for coping with stress and negative emotion, which (incredibly) doesn't actually work. You know what does? Dealing with the source of the emotion. Also "I feel so fat" totally sucks as a bonding tool, which is what it's often used as. "Let's all bond over cutting ourselves down and trying to one-up each other about who looks and feels worse!" Awesome.

8) Dieting is boring. I am interested in my friends and their lives. You know what I'm not interested in? Calories, pounds on the scale, ounces of fat, serving sizes, weigh-ins. Your miracle cleanse, your protein shake, your self-flagellation over lusting in your heart after donuts. A lot of dieters spend much of their time talking about dieting. Diet talk is boring, especially when you're talking about how you're suffering because you "can't" have something you want. Do you have enough money to buy food? Is there food available near you? Is it safe to go get it? Is that food safe to eat? Is it going to make you suffer or kill you? If the answers to all of these but the last one is "yes," then you CAN have that food, you're just choosing not to, and have no one to blame but yourself. So make a choice and live with it. (And congratulations, you're better off than most of the people in the world.) Seriously, you're way more interesting than your diet plan.

9) Also? Self-hating and diet talking is bad for other people. Your diet talk makes other people feel squirrelly and uncomfortable and shitty. Complaining about how fat you are gives other people the poo feelings about their own bodies, especially if we're bigger than you. And if you're looking to me to give you a boost about your weight loss success? I'm probably going to disappoint and upset you. By the way, can you accurately name all the people in your circles who have or have had dangerously disordered eating? Of course you can't, because most of them tend to keep it a secret. But your diet talk might set them off again, might reinforce the demons they already live with, might make their life quantifiably worse. Probably not the outcome you were hoping for.

10) You do not have to wait until you're thinner to live a better life. If you want to take a dance class, have a happier marriage, make more friends, learn how to rock climb, whatever: get going. Rock on with your bad self. Yeah, there's stuff I can't do at my current size that I'd like to - fit into some brands of funky tights, buy most of the clothing at Five and Diamond, squeeze through tight tunnels (OK that last doesn't usually bug me too much). There is no "thinner you waiting to get out" - it's all you in there. Even if you do get thinner, the feelings are still going to be there. What will you focus on and be critical of then?



I've got plenty of body work to do on myself. I've developed a lazy Diet Coke habit that has slowly replaced my water bottle which is just stupid. I have more days when I'm frustrated by my body than I'm happy with, because feeling negatively about myself doesn't help me in any way. I do dumb shit like blame my body, not the fashion industry, when I can't fit into some cute thing I want. I'm back out of the regular dance habit again, and I can tell based on my dance skills and my stamina (though as an asthmatic, I'll never have the ability to go go go go without sounding winded afterwards, but it could be better). I've actually gotten into a bad habit of skipping meals (not just breakfast). I'm drinking too much wine. The TJ's prepared foods are sometimes way too tempting.

So my New Year's goal is to get dancing again, bring my skills back up to snuff, get back to the water bottle habit (now that I shelled out for one of those damn trendy SIGG things), watch the booze. Get stronger and more skillful. Don't get lazy about my cooking and rely on prepared foods all the time. Be nice to myself.

And: Practice Health at Every Size. Work on seeing my body as value-neutral, while focusing on actual measures of my health and taking good care of myself in ways that don't equate my weight with my worth or my wellness.

Let's close with A holiday visit from Aunt Fattie over at Shapely Prose.